The Return

Three days and I will be headed back to the states. Emotions? I must say, that I feel happy, sad, excited, apprehensive and some other emotion that I can’t explain. To leave friends, a simple life, and a true feeling of purpose, is not easy. The questions come, “When will you come back?” they ask me and I respond with a sorrowful “I don’t know”. The looks, hugs and tears that results from an undetermined time.

I am going home, yet what is home? Is it a house, or a place? I am not so sure. I know that I will be going home to difficult situations, learning to deal with problems that I have been ignoring for the past few months. However, I am not scared. Of the few things that I have learned in my short life, one of the important ones is to embrace the things in which you can change and accept the things you cannot ( I am sure that is a quote and I am also sure that I butchered it rather well, but you know what I mean. I hope).

I will be returning to Oklahoma State University for my second year. I will be working as an RA on the Spanish floor, and will be continuing my studies in Spanish and something else. I really do not know what I am going to study and I figure that I have a bit to figure that out, however I have been thinking about Literature/English or Political Science/International Relations. In all honesty I just want to learn how to speak and write in two languages. I am going to be applying for a study abroad scholarship for my junior year in which I hope to study in Spain and possibly New Zealand for two semesters. Yet even the excitement of the future does not take away the pain in the present. I do not care to leave these guys; there is a part of me that I feel that few people know. A love for some poor shoe shiner that I don’t really understand, I have spent eight months of my life trying to help them, maybe I have and maybe not, I don’t know if I will ever know if my efforts will prove worthy. I understand that I cannot expect people to have a love and care for Bolivia and its people as I do. However, it is just hard when people ask about your trip or the guys that I worked with and then proceed to carelessly listen. I believe that we would all do well if we did not ask questions that we do not truly care to hear the answers too. I don’t know about this, it truly hurt to love; it hurts to leave those you care about not knowing if you will see them again.

I would like to take a moment to say a sincere thank you to all my friends and family that have been keeping up with me over the past few months. Thank you for your prayers, thank you for you encouragement and thank you for your friendship. I do appreciate all of those who were willing to over look my often times poor grammar and spelling, only to share in my experiences here. Know that I did try to communicate in part what is going on in my life, so once more thank you for reading and sharing with me my time here.
With a smile,
Colby Craige

So what about a monastery?

I visited Lake Titicaca this weekend with a few of my friends, It was my first time to go and it was a very enjoyable time. One of the things that I enjoyed the most while I was there was the stars. I must say, the milky way is something to see if ever you find yourself in the southern hemisphere. We climbed a ways out of town and made our way on top of a mountain to escape the light pollution of the city and the starts were absolutely incredible. I could see the starts with more clarity than I ever before. While staring into the sky, I started to think about how nice clarity would be in my life. I then began to think about why it was that I could see the stars so clearly. I am far away from distractions, far from the city and far from light that hinders our vision.
I have read of how some people have found a seemingly real communion with God through silence and solitude. These are two things that are difficult for me or any American for that matter. While I was looking at the start I was just thinking about how sad it would be for a person to never have the opportunity to see the starts so clearly. In that same way, I think that maybe I am like a person who lives in the city; I have this idea and have heard stories of how things can be better, yet, I am not willing to leave the city.

I think I would like to spend time in a monastery or just time in nature, alone. Because what do I have to lose, I mean what if things really can be better. How sad would it be if I just never took the time to leave the busyness of life, to possibly hear or experience more of God?

El Choro

Three days in the midst of creation can do a person’s soul well. Last week I had the opportunity to go on a backpacking trip with a few of the YFC volunteers and nine of the shoe shiners that we have been working with. "El Choro" is the name of the trail and it's known as one of the best in Bolivia, almost 90% of it being Incan built roads. The sheer beauty of Bolivia is scene through the waterfalls, crystal clear rivers, mountains, llamas, little towns and the people. It was a nice three day hike, by no means was it easy, in fact I will say that it was rather difficult. I know of few other ways that friendships grow better than through eating, hiking and hurting together.

Things in my life continue to change. My family is changing, my friends are getting older, and some are even married, my life and the way in which I see it seems to always be changing at some level. As I encounter things in my life that I cannot seem to change, I seem be less willing to accept them and only find myself trying harder as if I can really change something. I know that I am not that old, but as I continue studying in the university and just continue to live life. It seems that the idea of surrender is just all that more uncomfortable. As I make plains and think of the future, the idea or even the thought of giving those things up for God is rather bothersome, the words of Christ become much more difficult “if you want to gain life, you must lose it.” Yet, does he not know what is best, I think the answer is clear, yet it’s still hard to let go.

As another day looks to be passing me by here in Bolivia, I am glad to know that I am loved.

A long night

The past few days have proven to be rather interesting. There have been marches and road blocks for the past 22 days or so. Over 80% of the major roads in Bolivia have been shut down; intercity transportation is next to nothing because there is no gasoline. The current president Carlos Mesa (who I meet at a movie) resigned a few days ago and now the parliament is tying to decide who will take over his position. The decision could push Bolivia into a civil war. With all this going on I would like everyone to know that I don’t feel threatened. I honestly don’t have any idea of what is going to happen over the next few days. If things continue to get worse I am thinking of going to Argentina or back to Chile for a few weeks until things settle down, but I guess I will just have to wait and see.

On a different note.

Last nigh I came down with a fever. One of those body aching, hot one second cold the next type things. I was over at one of my friend’s houses when I started to feel really bad, so I decided to lay down for a bit. As my temperature increased, the mother (I call her Hermana Charo) decided to pull out some Bolivian remedies to combat the fever. To start with she rubbed a Vicks type cream on my back, chest and feet and then put newspaper over the top of the cream to hold in the vapors (or so I was told). Then they covered my face with whipped eggs. I was told that it helps to draw out the temperature. I think they were just trying to take advantage of the sick gringo. I don’t know if those things were a contributing factor, but I must say I feel a lot better. I guess it’s just another day here in Bolivia. Thanks for reading

I am still in school

“A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plains, safeguards, policies, and coercions are fruitless. We find after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us.”
Travels with Charley
I have been here a week and as the time passes I see all the more, that this trip is going to be very different from my last. I actually have a place that I can go to get away from people. This is such a nice relief, being that La Paz is a city of a million people and it seems that in every park, plaza, restaurant and even in the place that I call home (for the moment) seems to be full of people. I am beginning to see that I must approach not just my time here but life as some kind of a teaching tool. Here in Bolivia I am learning that I don’t understand people. I might to some degree understand Americans, but Bolivians? I don’t understand why so many people a marching. I don’t understand people in the church here nor do I understand all too much of this language. For this reason, I see the importance of becoming a student.
So let us learn.

another day

I have been here in La Paz for about a week now and things have been anything but dull. The situation here in La Paz has been one of civil unrest. Some of the farmers and teachers people have been marching throughout the streets and setting up blockades so that cars and mini busses cannot pass. My friend Randy who is a full time missionary here has been working with some of the shoe shiner fellas that I worked with last year and we have been teaching them basketball. The concept of teaching basketball to some guys who have never seen the game before let alone played it has proven to be a lot of fun. Although the city is seemingly falling apart in the down town area, everyone else just seems to think things are normal. In one street you will find over 500 men and women marching and protesting about the nationalization of the gas and other things, while others are playing soccer and going about life as normal. My time is going to be interesting. Randy and I are planning a backpacking trip for some of the guys. It is going to be a sort of reward to those who come to practice. In many ways this trip is going to be very different. I have other American friends, which is proving to be more beneficial that I thought. There are times when the idea of coming back in only another month and a half since so gray. Going back to school and getting back into the routine of things just does not sound good to me. Don’t worry I am planning on coming back (at least for now). I hope things with you (who ever reads this?) are well and I will write more latter.

Peace

Bolivia

Well I got in last night. I am not going to be doing much today, because I need to get acclimatedwith the altitude. While traveling yesterday I had some time to talk with a few people, one lady I had diner with was from Bolivia and we talked about the problems within the Bolivia government. Its a sad thing and one can´t help but feel helpless. There are really no simple answers to these problems.

On a different note, I started reading some good books including one hat is a Historical overview of the New Testament and Travels with Charley. I don´t have too much to say at this point, but I will be talking to you latter.

"The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page."
Mark Twain

Another chapter opens, or maybe only another turn of a page. I am glad that some can share this time with me.

So I was walking to get some ice cream when I ran into Richard, well it was Richard until he trusted me with his real name, that being Dick. He was a rough 60 year old man from Henesey, Oklahoma. He was wearing a dirty black leather coat. He asked me for some change and so I told him that we could go and get some food, if he had time. While we were walking to McDonald’s, I made a few attempts to talk to him. I prodded about his childhoods, some about his past and so on. He really did not want to talk.
As we stood in front of the register, he pointed down to the menu and told me that he would like a Big Mac. I asked if he wanted some fries or a drink, he said no. He looked up at me and asked if I was going to order anything. I told him “no”. His response was rather interesting as he looked at me, then down once more, as if I had declined a dinner invitation. Then I turned around and order and double cheeseburger. We sat down at the booth and enjoyed our food. I once more tried to start some kind of conversation and he was reluctant to remain silent or answering rather quickly to anything that I said. I made an effort to get him a job at McDonald’s, I even had the manager there talking with us about what was needed in order for him to get a job. My efforts proved useless as he had virtually nothing to put down for education, past jobs, home address, or even a phone number. I looked at him after a short while and asked if he even wanted to continue trying, he looked at me and said “no, let’s go.” So we did, we headed over to the gas station next door and I bout him some cigarettes. We sat outside on the curb and each rolled a cigarette, after a while I looked up at him and said “isn’t life strange?” he looked at me and smiled and said, “Yes, yes it is.” As we sat there I opened up my journal and ripped out a page that quoted a few lines from Brennan Manning and then I wrote down my phone number. After a while we headed back to our original location, we sat down on the bench and exchanged a few words. I then told him that I needed to go, but asked if we could pray first. I thanked God for him and then asked for strength on his behalf. After I prayed he looked at me with some of the most honest eyes I had ever seen and said “thank you” as I said your welcome, I could not help but feel rather strange for accepting a thank you after a prayer.
There are times when words just don’t cut it. No gospel pitched, no pointing fingers, just passing time with people. I am beginning to thing that this is what people need more and more.

good quotes from current books you have read.

“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning”
Tuesdays With Morrie

It’s Tuesday, and I am sitting at my home in Tulsa. My dog is sitting to my left and the outside birds are singing. School is over and the normative feeling of busyness is begging to where off. Over the past few days I have spoken with friends and enjoyed the company of my family. I read Tuesdays With Morrie the other day, and my feeble words should not even try to reduce such a book to a few words.
I am leaving for South America in about two weeks (I can hardly believe that I just wrote that last line). People have asked me if I am ready to go back. Honestly, I don’t know. I feel little emotion at the moment. I often wonder if I have made things to difficult or to complex. What does it mean to love God with my mind? What does it mean to love God with my heart? These things seem so simple. There is little that my heart desires more than to help people who are in need, to live a life freedom and adventure and to share life with those I love.

So I feel like a complete jerk

Over the past two weeks, I have been working on a paper for one of my classes. It is a common and expected thing that I write lots of drafts and often times I find myself rather frustrated. Over the course of a semester I generally develop a good relationship with my teachers, because I end up meeting with them several times before I hand anything in. This past assignment has been no exception, I had been bugging my teacher to meet with me, so that she could look over my essay, but for some reason she was canceling on me. I found this very frustrating and was complaining a lot to my friends. My only chance to sit down and talk with her came this morning. Entering her office, I had this “you own me one” type of attitude. As I sat down I noticed that she had been crying, at that time the paper really was of no consequence as I recalled all the things that I had said about her over the past week (she is so lazy, she is a bad teacher, she doesn’t care and so on). After she finished we talked a little about the paper, then I apologized for being so pushy. I asked her how things were going and she responded with, “actually things have been really crazy” she then preceded to tell me that she had recently found out that she was pregnant and sick and now had to quit smoking and drinking on account of her child. I sat in the chair knowing that nothing I could say could make things better, I tried a few times to say something tactful, yet I stopped in mid sentence. I was reminded once more that, the world does not revolve around me. There are reasons why people do what they do, even if I don’t understand them.

OK, so I am trying to figure out this dang blog thing. But, I am glad that I have something other than xanga.

Into the Wild

“I’d like to repeat the advise that I gave you before, in that I think you really should make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have though of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiatives to change their situations because they are conditioned to a life of security conformity and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is has passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences and hence there is no grater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, of each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, Ron, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.”

Alex McCandless

Into the Wild

“I’d like to repeat the advise that I gave you before, in that I think you really should make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have though of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiatives to change their situations because they are conditioned to a life of security conformity and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is has passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences and hence there is no grater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, of each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, Ron, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.”

Alex McCandless