Thursday, March 23, 2006

The Root of Hesitation

As my little black Bible sits on my desk I cannot help but think of the complexities that lie within it. When I was a child, I was taught the Bible stories, growing older I listen to the sermons, lectures and devotionals. The words and stories of the bible have surrounded me for all my life and for this I am thankful (I think). However, this book has also caused me a great deal of pain! Its words have been the tool of division within my family, the teachings the center of heated debate and for this reason I fear the words of this book.

I hold a certain amount of reservation when reading the scriptures. How are we to read the words of Paul, Peter, Moses, David and many others? As I read more about history, some things begin to click. Yet, the study of history only opens my eyes to the reality that I don’t know crap! Just when you think that a particular road is coming to a close, I discover a bunch of other things that I don’t know. It is all very overwhelming but at the same time I love it.

There is fear within me, a good fear, one that pushes me to continually seek understanding. This desire stems from seeing and hearing the message of Jesus distorted in so many ways, that I hardly know what to think. More importantly, I have seen the hurt that good intentioned laymen have inflected upon those outside their theological/doctoral or moral views. I do not want to be the cause of another person turning from Jesus because of the Church.

Is there a better way? Or is this what happens when you decided to believe something that clams to be the truth?
Note: The “something” is NOT the bible, rather Jesus Christ

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey man. Thanks for the email. My xanga is www.xanga.com/rconnely4jc same as always. I use Xanga for more of a fun, entertaining outlet so my posts usually don't look like my journal. Once in a while but nobody seems to reply to the "deep" stuff. I've thought about how to or if to reply to your toward the content of your post. But I'll leave it at this. I spent from age 21ish to the most of 24 communing and search after the Lord in an experientially dominated way (attempting to know God through experience) using the Bible merely as one tool to help in that and came up wanting. At 25, I have placed the Scriptures as the dominate means of knowing the Lord, what He's about, and what He has/wants for me, and I've never experienced Him more. There's more to say to that but I'll leave it there for now. Good to hear from you. Keep searching but search with a heart of faith not just a heart of reason.

Anonymous said...

sorry I didn't leave my name.

colbycraige said...

It is the glorious balance of faith and reason that I desire. I believe that it is my responsibility as a believer to use reason to understand what I believe. But when my reason fails and my comprehension falls short I can still rest and trust that Christ is with me, just as he has been all my life.

Unexamined faith is ignorance.

colbycraige said...

Note: I am not directing the last statement at you personaly.