Mystery

Today is February fourth 2007, a day that marks roughly the half way point in my time here in Spain. It is Sunday, and the city is rather quiet. My room is clean and my mind seems to be rather mellow. Tomorrow will soon be here and class will begin once more, the grind of class and scholarships will soon dominate my mind, but today is one of simple reflection on life.

What can or should be said of my time here thus far? In what ways have I grown? How have I changed? To be honest, it is not clear and that is ok with me. Since, my journey in Spain started I have had my fair share of difficulties. Many times I have laid my head on my pillow confused and overwhelmed. In the last five months, I have seen many new places and built new relationships, while old friendships have unfortunately dwindled and memories of home have in some ways faded.

A recent conversation with an old friend has reminded me that I am ultimately responsible for none other than myself. This reality is one that I somehow forger frequently, but it is important. One of the major challenges in my time here is trying to understand that not everyone is like me. I am astonished when I discover that people are not in some state of internal debate, because for me, the struggle to understand life and faith is one of the most important aspects of who I am. Not every one losses sleep with questions like “what does it mean to love people?” or “what is truth” or “what was Jesus all about and how would he live if he were in my place?” The fact that I struggle with these questions does not make me better or wore, but it simply communicates that I cam wired differently.

One of the most important developments in my time here it that the majority of the things I believe are more flexible. A short time ago, having a full proof orthodoxy was a must and my internal harmony was dependant upon my beliefs. In some ways this is still true, but I feel a certain amount of flexibility now. I am ok saying “I don’t know” or “I don’t understand” instead of giving a canned answer to difficult questions. To be honest, it is very freeing. To some this might sound strange and maybe it is, but I don’t mind being strange, because the reality is that we are all a little strange in our own way. I am open for dialogue, but no longer open for argumentation. Development takes time and to try and come to a conclusion without working through the process is, in my opinion a step backward. If I cannot say something with a certain amount of integrity that comes with honest personal examination then I will not speak.

There is a certain amount of mystery that is lost when we think we know it all. I was once scared of the mystery but now I am trying to embrace it.

Project Proposal

Please help by sharing your thoughts.

I am applying for a research project scholarship and need some help with my proposal. I have three ideas and am open to thoughts and critics. I have never done anything like this and would love some feedback. The description says that it is an “academic research project” and that might eliminate my third idea. So here they are.

#1
Topic: Latin American
Description: I would like to investigate current Latin American literature that has been influenced positively or negatively by the relationship of the United State with the author’s native country.
Target countries: Bolivia, Venezuela, Chile
#2
Topic: Enlightenment literature
Description: To look at the Enlightenment movement in a literary context and investigate the effects they had in Europe and the United states in the 18th century.
#3
Topic: Study Abroad
Description: To write an account of my one year study abroad experience in Zaragoza Spain.
I understand that none of the ideas are filled out, but that will be the next stage in the process.

Goodbye

I said goodbye to a good friend today. As we walked to the bus station my emotions were surging within me. It sucks to say goodbye, not know if you will ever see that person again. She was my best friend here in Zaragoza, from our first conversation we connected in a way that only happens a few times in a person’s life.
Our friendship started when I asked if she would be interested in a language exchange. I wanted to learn a little French and she wanted some help in English, so we set up a time. It took us an hour before we actually started talking about French, the conversation flowed and it was beautiful. We talked about life and what it means to love people. We were two people with very different backgrounds, but we shared a common desire to love.
When I lost Josh, she listened as we walked around the cold streets. She shared in my sorrow and for that I will be forever grateful. She is gone now, and a part of me is now missing. Of course we have made plans to see each other again, but often times those plans never come to pass. It hurts, but I am thankful for the friendship that has been developed over the past four months.

coffee and brain vomit

Note: If you drinking strong coffee at night; the result is often times staring at the walls in your room and thinking about stuff like this…

What can we know? Can we know truth? Why do we have nose hair? Why are apples red?

So, here is some brain vomit for you.

Think about an event in your life, now think about how you understood it at the moment it occurred, and then think about how differently you view that same event now. It seems to me that as time progresses our perspective changes. With a little distance between us and the event we tend to interpret it differently. Some people will say that hind sight is 20:20, I tend to think its 20:18, and we are always a little far sighted, or maybe near sighted. I will contend that we see and understand things better with distance; it is always a little clearer but never perfect.

How does this work with the previously mentioned questions? Well, I am not so sure. But, it is interesting to think about how the things we “know” changes with time. It is a little disturbing to think about how there was once a time when everyone in the world thought the world was flat. Some people “knew” it with such certainty that they were willing to kill anyone who would challenge their idea. But, as time moved forth like a middle school marching band, we began to accept these new ideas. With time, the idea of a round earth was accepted as fact. (no source to back up anything I have just said)

Maybe asking such questions is just affirmation that you should not drink coffee late in the afternoon, or maybe we can learn something. To be honest I am not so sure, but that is ok with me (not really, these types of questions bug me a lot). Maybe we can’t really know anything; maybe “Truth” is relative. If God exists, it would make since that he/she/it would be the only thing capable of knowing any form of absolute truth because he/she/it is the only being capable of being outside of time, if outside of time then no change of perspective, if outside of perspective then no change in perception, if outside of perception then _____. (I got nothing, Zedler and Jimmy I could use a little help)


Next post subject: nose hair.

Here is a link to some pictures from Paris.

http://okstate.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2092014&l=cc867&id=17116554

Sermon on the Kingdom

http://www.whchurch.org/content/page_173.htm

If you have time, listen to the sermon "Holistic Kingdom" it is good and gives me hope that there is beauty in the Church.

Cannery Row

“’It has always seemed strange to me’, said Doc. “The things we admire in men, kindness and generosity, openness, honesty, understanding and feeling are the concomitants of failure in our system. And those traits we detest, sharpness, greed, acquisitiveness, meanness, egotism and self-interest are the traits of success. And while men admire the quality of the first they love the product of the second.’”

Cannary Row
John Steinback


This has been one of the better books I have read as of late. I recomend it if you are looking for something to read.

France

I don’t have the energy or the motivation to try and explain all that I saw and experienced while in France. Christmas with a beautiful family, New Years in Paris, reading “Catcher in the Rye” beside a fire in Brittany, eating wonderful food and enjoying the company of friends is only a start.

For the moment, I am back in Zaragoza preparing for exams and trying to just keep my mind from exploding from all the thoughts and questions that seem to be following me around. For this reason, my post will be short and vague until I can gain some clarity and muster some energy to write with a little more detail.

Friends and family, I miss you and hope that you had a wonderful Christmas and New Years.

Drawing lines

What is it about drawing lines that seems to be so prevalent within the way I see the world? Often times I rush to group people into those who are “in” and those who are “out”. I classify people into religious groups, political groups and moral groups. In drawing lines I seclude myself and fail to see that not only are we all connected, but in separating myself I deny any chance to love.

I was reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller last night and one of the last chapter hit me in a peculiar way. Miller was talking about an experience he had with some hippies in the woods, he talked about how his upbringing taught him to steer clear of liberals, homosexuals and pot heads. However, after spending a month together with these evildoers, he found that they were indeed some of the most loving and accepting people he had ever met. He reflects about some past Christian communities he has been apart of saying,

"The problem with Christian community was that we had our ethics, we had rules and laws and principles to judge each other against. There was love in Christian community, but it was conditional love. Sure, we called it unconditional, but it wasn't. There were bad people in the world and good people in the world...Christianity was always right; we were always looking down on everybody else. And I hated this... I was tired of biblical ethics being used as a tool with which to judge people rather than heal them. I was tired of Christian leaders using biblical principles to protect their power, to draw a line in the sand separating the good army from the bad one."

I have some good friends here. It was hard at first to know how I should act around them, I mean they are... catholic (gasp) or agnostic, of atheist. There was this tension, something down deep within me that was putting this enormous pressure on my heart and mind to...well, save them.

If you cannot relate to what I am saying, let me share with you a little secret. It is hard and lets not forget awkward to carry on a conversation when you are thinking about try to change the other persons minds. In fact, I am going out on a limb in saying, it is impossible to love them, when you are trying to force change upon them.

It did not take long for me to identify this pressure to "convert the world" as something that is not good. Sure, it looks good, but it isn't. In the past four months I have had some of the most incredible conversations of my life. My friends have taught me how to listen and how to love. In fact, they have shown me Christ.

We may not share the views, but when you think about the word "view" as in "worldview" there is not a person in the world the sees and understands reality in the same way. We all "view" a painting or "see" a sun set differently, is one right and the other wrong? This is a rather vast subject and one that indeed makes people nervous, in fact it makes me uncomfortable just writing about it. Can every one be right? Well, I guess that depend upon the question. Some questions are by nature objective, others not so much. I am going to leave this question/thought open. But, my original point of the post was this: drawing lines is like building a wall and when we build walls between people who think or live differently than us, we are no longer in a position to love them, and if my memory serves me right, that was one of the things Jesus kept on nagging about.

O yeah, Merry Christmas to everyone!

I will be in France with my roommates and their families. I know sounds rough. All this traveling is starting to take a tole on me, but I will try to tough it out and take a few pictures along the way.

Note: about the picture, if you don't agree with me about what I have just written you too shall face me in the circle of doom (and yes, I won).

Location: Valencia, Spain a few weeks ago

Death.Life.Love

It is interesting to observe the reaction of people when you talk about death. Often time’s people grow uneasy and squirm around in their chair as if they have a rash of some sort. Recently, the subject of death has been the object of my thoughts and conversations. A little over a week has passed since a good friend of mine died, not a day has passed since then that I have not thought about him, nor has a day passed that I have not pondered my own death. Josh was younger that me, it was as if he had just started to live. But that all depends upon our definition of life: is life a unit of measurement? If so what does it measure?

Does “life” measure time or quality? When I think of Josh, I think of both. In one way his “life” was rather short, in another he lived an abundantly full “life”. For each day that I was around him it was as if he was savoring each drop, his heart was always curious and looking for adventure. But, Josh never had to look too far, for adventure seemed to follow him.

Last night as I was sitting on my window seal, I repeated a phrase that has become a part of what I call my “night time reflection”, often times I simply look into the sky and say, “the night has come once more.” I reflect upon the day and embrace the reality that I will never get to relive it, what has passed is done, over, history. I ask myself some questions and sometimes simply have a prayer like conversation.

I have been having some great conversations with one of my friends here on the subject of love. We come from two different backgrounds and have two different perspectives on the word. It really been great, indeed some of the best conversation I have with any of my friends here. Furthermore, this subject has come to mean far more in light of Josh’s death, for he was guy who loved deeply and that is what I want. It seems rather simple right? Often times I hear people bash preachers who talk too much about love, they think he has gone soft and would prefer him preach more fire and brimstone, there is somthing attractive to rules and structure that I do not understand. We always sell love for some unit of measurement. I am not so sure why we do this, but I am tired of it and realy, I don't think it works.

To understand love as something soft is to not understand love. As Brennan Manning once said in a sermon, “The love of God is like a raging fire, everyone wants to get close enough to keep warm, but few fall into it and allow it to transform our lives.” It is a beautiful and terrifying thing, a paradoxical idea that is simple and complex at the same time.

In my little world, it is Christ that embodies perfect love. To read of how he treated people, how he interacted with the lowly as if he did not see what others were seeing. I often wonder what it was like when the disciples and Jesus approached a beggar on the street. Maybe the disciples simply saw the dirty clothing and smelled the urine, while Jesus was able to see beyond the external into the man’s heart, almost as if looking at two completely different people. You know, I have no idea how all this works, but I am starting to feel as though I am getting a little close to something truly beautiful. Like a dog that has picked up a scent in the woods, he runs around often looking like a fool, often times he gets distracted by other scents, but he continues looking for he knows that somewhere in those woods is something beautiful and that beautiful thing is worth living and dying for.

Oh Night

Oh night, you have come once more. The clouds cover that which is beautiful, the stars from a distant world.

She moarns the loss of her son, her love not enough to change his fate, so she weeps, weeps, weeps.

Her tired heart enters the bed, longing for sleep to grant her relief, but it does not come. She lies there alone, wishing to turn back time. If only her love could control death, but it does not and death does not control her. It is simply a part of her.

My heart is with you.

*A tribute to the mothers in Africa who have lost because of aids and hunger related deaths.

Josh. Lantz.

Josh-top left. Location: Bolivia, the Yunga Cruz trail. When:Summer 2005

As I walk along a small stream I pass over the fallen leaves, some still retaining hints of yellow, green and red. I walk with my hands tucked into my coat, my fingers slightly clinched around my thumbs, a habit since birth. Thoughts of a friend recently passed flood my mind. Like a movie, memories are replayed, sorrow, joy and hope come like the oceans tide, as joy recedes back into the ocean of memories sorrow surged forth. Oh my friend, your beautiful heart was unique. It was raw, wild and free.

He was a brother who often struggled to find his place in this materialist world.
Without shoes he serves, without a plan he departed.
His love displayed within his captivating eyes, blue and full of grace.
When tension rose, he sought expression through music.
His finger danced across the wood and metal following his joyous heart.

Josh, I am thankful for having the opportunity to serve with you in Bolivia. Looking through our pictures I can think of several stories that turned my sorrow into laughter. When I talk about you to my friends here in Spain, they are sad for not knowing you.
I remember when we finished the Choro trail and I came down with a stomach bug, and felt like I was going to die. You walked up to me with a cup that contained a gel-like substance that did not look appetizing at all. When I asked what was in it you said, “Banana, orange juice, and a few other berries that I pulled off those bushes.” When I looked into your eyes I thought that you were joking, but alas you were a sincere as ever, I declined your offer, but was thankful for the effort.

It was your genuine desire to help others that reflected the love of Christ so clearly to me. There are so many other stories, some funny others not, but through the ups and downs you maintained a pure heart to simply know the Father and his love, and that is how I will remember you. Josh Lantz a man recklessly pursuing the heart of Jesus.

December 1, 2006

It has been a long week thus far. With exams on the horizon, the big question for me is this, what do I need to know?

The classes are structured much differently here. The syllabus that is given out at the start of the course does not have a daily break down of homework, quizzes and midterm exams; rather it is a list of subjects that we will be covering with a list of books. Most classes have one primary book that is to be read along with the lectures. Furthermore, there are books with chapter breakdowns that are listed under particular topics that are to be read when the student does not understand or simply when he or she wishes fill in what the teacher left out.

Personally, I enjoy this type of format. It places the responsibility on the student. In my three short years in the University this is the first time I have actually felt like a student. One definition of a student is, “any person who studies, investigates, or examines thoughtfully” (dictionary.com). When a particular subject comes up in a class and I don’t understand, there is a part of me that looks at it like a challenge or mystery. Call me a nerd, but I anticipate the opportunity to go to the library or talk to the professor in my effort to understand. But, questions always seem to lead to… you guessed it, more questions! The process is endless.

I had only taken one history class in the university before this year. Currently I am enrolled in three, and I enjoy immensely. Sure, it can be rather taxing trying to understand the economic development of Spain in the XVI century and there is always the issue of language, but its fun and very humbling. There will always be more that I don’t know that I do and although that can be hard for a human so swallow, I think it puts me as an individual in my correct place.

The weather is cold here in Zaragoza and I miss my family and friends a lot. Last night I felt rather sick and wanted nothing more than to be in the company of friends. After a few failed attempts to call friends, I had to accept the reality of my condition. It can be romantic a times to think about being in Spain, but there are times when neither books, nor music, nor anything else can replace our desire to me in the presence of one who understand us.

Pictures from Portugal

Thanksgiving with Bono

Happy Thanksgiving friends and family!

As I sat in the kitchen drinking a glass of red wine and eating a plate of rice topped garbanzo beans and red sauce, I thought of my family. As U2 filled the air with their beautiful lyrics, I could not help but think about what my family was doing at the moment. Most likely, they are eating some delicious food and enjoying conversation with a football game being shown on T.V. in the living room.

Although my heart would love to be with them, there is something good about being alone. Many times our absence from family and friends helps us to see how deeply we love them. I know this it true for me.

When You Look at the World
U2

When you look at the world
What is it that you see
People find all kinds of things
That bring them to their knees

I see an expression
So clear and so true
That changes the atmosphere
When you walk to the room

So I try to be like you
Try to feel it like you do
But without you its no use
I cant see what you see
When I look at the world

When the night is someone elses
And youre trying to get some sleep
When your thoughts are too expensive
To ever want to keep

When theres all kinds of chaos
And everyone is walking lame
You dont even blink now do you
Dont even look away

So I try to be like you
Try to feel it like you do
But without you its no use
I cant see what you see
When I look at the world

I cant wait any longer
I cant wait til Im stronger
Cant wait any longer
To see what you see
When I look at the world

Im in the waiting room
I cant see for the smoke
I think of you and your holy book
When the rest of us choke

Tell me tell me
What do you see
Tell me tell me
Whats wrong with me

on the move

Lisboa, Portugal


It is about time to get out of town. My friend invited me to go with him to Portugal, at first I was hesitant for that would involve me missing three days of class. He was coming over to hear my answer and I had decided to tell him “no”, but as he entered the apartment, something in me changed. In a little over thirty seconds I had changed my mind and agreed to go. Not only am I going to go to Portugal, I am going to take four days to get there and visit a few cities along the way.

My roommates have been giving me a hard time because every time they ask me what I am doing, I have a new plan or no plan at all. At the moment, my plan is as followed;

Thursday: wake up around 8am and take a bus to Madrid. From there, I am going to take another bus west. I am not sure where, but things tend to work out.

Friday- Saturday: ?
Sunday: meet Pier in Lisboa
Sunday-Friday: ?
Saturday: Return to Zaragoza

Life in Spain.

Things are going well, I have been spending a lot of time reading and indeed enjoying that, however, I might be over doing it. Example, one of my friends wanted me to read a book called “God in the State” by Michael Bakunin. For some reason I did not start reading it until Saturday afternoon. My friend wanted me to read it because we have been having some interesting conversation about life/faith/ world view and he told me that this was a book that brought all his thoughts together. The book is red with a picture of the late Mr. Bakunin sporting a wiry beard and a quasi cray look in his eye. As I read the back trying to get a feel for the book, the description said, “God and the State has been a basic anarchist and radical document for generations. It is one of the clearest statements of the anarchist philosophy of history: religion by its nature is an impoverishment, enslavement, and annihilation of humanity. It is a weapon of the state.” You could see why I have been putting off reading such a book (not what you would call a pick-me-up). But, I want to understand what he thinks and this is indeed important to him.

After about two hours of reading and taking notes, I had to call a friend of mine (Jason Jackson), the book was wearing my little brain out. I still have about half of the book to go and I will indeed finish it, but not until I get back. I know that there are a lot of people that generally avoid books like this as if it is the plague (and I can understand that), but that is not ok with me, I want to learn how to think, how to process information, but this is hard when you grow up in the world of consumerism. We tend to take in information like cows, we listen accept and move on. However, problems arise when you hear or read things that are in conflict with one another.

So, there are two ways (maybe more) to go from here. One, filter your information and only listen to things that you agree with or two, learn to think. There is great value in the ability to sort through information with the hope of coming to a more full understanding. This is where I find myself, its not easy, but I don’t want ease.

I think critics get a bad wrap. The word critical, mean to take a careful or examined look at something, from politics to religion this idea is of utmost importance. Ok, that is enough ranting for me, but I guess that is what this whole blog thing is all about.

Fresh Air

Overwhelming feelings of thankfulness flowed through my body as I sat on my window seal. As I shut my eyes and took in the some fresh air, I exhaled gratitude for my friends, family and for yet another day in Spain.

One of my main worries in coming to Spain was finding community. However, my definition of community two months ago is much different than it is now. The first month I struggled with the fact that there were few Christians here. There was a feeling of "me against the world", Colby had to be strong and be a light into the darkness. As time moves forth I don't see it like that way, the reality is we are all people and we are trying to make since of the world around us and we are all in different places and canl indeed learn from oneanother.

A few of my friends sent me a few books this week, one of the is called "A New Kind of Christian" by Brian McLaren and so much of its content finds a place in much of what I have been feeling on a level that is almost scary.

On faith and others
"Instead of saying 'Hey, they're wrong and we're right, so follow u,s" I think we say, 'Here's what I've found. Here's what Ive experienced. Here's what makes since to me. I'll be glad to share it with you, if you're interested.'

Instead of conquest, instead of a coercive rational argument or an emotional intimidating sales pitch or an imposing crusade or an aggressive debate contest where we hope to 'win' them to Christ, I think of it like a dance. You know, in a dance nobody wins and nobody loses. Both parties listen to the music and try to move with it. In this case, I hear the music of the gospel, and my friend doesn't, so I try to help him hear it a move with it. And like a dance, I have to ask if the other person wants to participate. There's a term for pulling someone who doesn't want to dance: assault."

If there is one thing that I have learned about my friends here it is that they know authenticity. There have been times when I have made conversations so uncomfortable because I try to force the topic into a place that it was not naturally going. In reality, I think it was uncomfortable for me and just silly for them.

Most Europeans have had their fair share of Religion, and we have seem how counter productive it was to force it upon others, for we are still reaping to bad fruit of such an approach. I have meet people in South America, Europe and in the U.S who cannot see the beaureligiousrist because of religios people who would rather judge you and send you away than to embrace you. Was it not Jesus who said, "They will know you are my desciple by your love"? I think we have blown it and repentance is in order, for I am guilty. I have has my fill of guilt ridden spirituality damn it, I want freedom! And I have a sneaking suspicion that this is a common denominator within everyone.

Back to Community

The reality of my situation it this; my community at this point in my life is comprisoned of two wonderful French girls (Amelie and Claire) and a kind spirited German guy (Ole). Furthermore, I have friends from all over Europe who have experienced life in a way that is very different. I would do well to shut up, ask questions and listen. This is my community for this season of my life and I believe that the Father is in the middle of it all.

just a little note

As life here in Spain continues becomes more natural and I thrust myself deeper into my studies, it’s a rather nice feeling. I have no pictures from any trips to offer and no tails of great adventures, but I am simply finding joy in the day to day.

Here are a few of the things I am thankful for.
1. Books, I am currently reading about the French Revolution and others.
2. Friends, both the ones in the U.S and here.
3. Don Antonio, my cactus that accompanies me almost daily on the window seal.
4. Languages (Spanish, French and a little English)
5. Good Professors
6. Freedom
7. Good food
8. Learning about myself and learning from others
9. Skype
10. Don and Lori Chaffer and their music that often soothes my soul.
11. My Parent
12. The mountains
13. The fresh air that the new day brings
14. Pictures
15. Distance and the perspective that it tends to bring into ones life.
16. Books
17. Running
18. Hope
19. Café y tortilla española
20. Hard times- (its always easier to say while we are not in them)

Well friends, I hope that when you read this you smile a little and know that I am also thankful for you. (yes, I know that is a cheese things to say, but its true)

A little taste of my world

I enjoy a concert and part as much as the next guy (only half true) but a week! That is too much for me. The Festival de Pilar is over and if you want to know what its about look it up on google. It was nice not being in school and I had good old Ernest Hemingway to keep me company on the window seal.

I am taking a break from reading an article for one of my classes and wanted to give you a little taste of what I am looking at.

La Relación Entre Población, producción y Progreso
T.R Malthus (1792)

Capítulo 1
Los grades e imprevisibles descubrimientos de los últimos años en la filosofía natural; la creciente difusión de la cultura general, gracias a la extensión del arte de imprimir; el espíritu investigador, ardiente y libre, que prevalece en el mundo culto e incluso en el mundo inculto; la nueva y extraordinaria claridad que ha sido proyectada sobre la vida política, deslumbrando y asombrando a los mas entendidos y especialmente, aquel tremendo…

ten pages to go!


and you thought all I was doing in Spain was climbing rocks and going to concerts. Nope, that is false. I have a lot of reading to do and the only option for me is to keep plugging along.

Life is mellowing out and it is a good feeling. I have made some friends and am learning a little french along the way. The weather has been nice over the past few weeks, however it is going to get cold soon enough. Time to keep reading, peace out friends.

Albarracin

One of the things I don't like about this whole blog thing is that you (yes, you who are reading these words) get the hear about my life, and see pictures about what is going on here in Spain. But, I have no idea who reads this, nor do I get the hear about any of you. You know if that is all I have to complain about then I guess things are not so bad.

Here are a few pictues and I will keep blogging for a while longer.

Here are some pictures from a rock climbing trip from two weeks ago. Albarracin is about two hours south of Zaragoza. It is a beautiful old city, one of the few walled cities here in Spain.

Barcelona and Ben Harper

Last weekend I went to Barcelona to see Ben Harper in concert and to see the city. The city was cool and all but the concert... wow, the concert was incredible.

The opening band was a group from Spain called "Ojos de Brujo" and they were very entertaining and I most definitely got my groove on with their crazy Spanish rhythm. Ben Harper came on and I proceeded to dance and sing as if I were the only one around. It was a liberating concert. Something deep within felt a since of relief after few hard weeks. The pressure of being in another country, language and a lot of self induced strain was really starting to get to me. Being in a place where I could just express myself was so good. Often times I get so full of different emotions that I don't seem to be able to manage, they build without an exit, so with my blue tie die shirt and my favorite pains on I danced and sang with all that I had and it felt so damn good.