Death.Life.Love

It is interesting to observe the reaction of people when you talk about death. Often time’s people grow uneasy and squirm around in their chair as if they have a rash of some sort. Recently, the subject of death has been the object of my thoughts and conversations. A little over a week has passed since a good friend of mine died, not a day has passed since then that I have not thought about him, nor has a day passed that I have not pondered my own death. Josh was younger that me, it was as if he had just started to live. But that all depends upon our definition of life: is life a unit of measurement? If so what does it measure?

Does “life” measure time or quality? When I think of Josh, I think of both. In one way his “life” was rather short, in another he lived an abundantly full “life”. For each day that I was around him it was as if he was savoring each drop, his heart was always curious and looking for adventure. But, Josh never had to look too far, for adventure seemed to follow him.

Last night as I was sitting on my window seal, I repeated a phrase that has become a part of what I call my “night time reflection”, often times I simply look into the sky and say, “the night has come once more.” I reflect upon the day and embrace the reality that I will never get to relive it, what has passed is done, over, history. I ask myself some questions and sometimes simply have a prayer like conversation.

I have been having some great conversations with one of my friends here on the subject of love. We come from two different backgrounds and have two different perspectives on the word. It really been great, indeed some of the best conversation I have with any of my friends here. Furthermore, this subject has come to mean far more in light of Josh’s death, for he was guy who loved deeply and that is what I want. It seems rather simple right? Often times I hear people bash preachers who talk too much about love, they think he has gone soft and would prefer him preach more fire and brimstone, there is somthing attractive to rules and structure that I do not understand. We always sell love for some unit of measurement. I am not so sure why we do this, but I am tired of it and realy, I don't think it works.

To understand love as something soft is to not understand love. As Brennan Manning once said in a sermon, “The love of God is like a raging fire, everyone wants to get close enough to keep warm, but few fall into it and allow it to transform our lives.” It is a beautiful and terrifying thing, a paradoxical idea that is simple and complex at the same time.

In my little world, it is Christ that embodies perfect love. To read of how he treated people, how he interacted with the lowly as if he did not see what others were seeing. I often wonder what it was like when the disciples and Jesus approached a beggar on the street. Maybe the disciples simply saw the dirty clothing and smelled the urine, while Jesus was able to see beyond the external into the man’s heart, almost as if looking at two completely different people. You know, I have no idea how all this works, but I am starting to feel as though I am getting a little close to something truly beautiful. Like a dog that has picked up a scent in the woods, he runs around often looking like a fool, often times he gets distracted by other scents, but he continues looking for he knows that somewhere in those woods is something beautiful and that beautiful thing is worth living and dying for.