The Return

Three days and I will be headed back to the states. Emotions? I must say, that I feel happy, sad, excited, apprehensive and some other emotion that I can’t explain. To leave friends, a simple life, and a true feeling of purpose, is not easy. The questions come, “When will you come back?” they ask me and I respond with a sorrowful “I don’t know”. The looks, hugs and tears that results from an undetermined time.

I am going home, yet what is home? Is it a house, or a place? I am not so sure. I know that I will be going home to difficult situations, learning to deal with problems that I have been ignoring for the past few months. However, I am not scared. Of the few things that I have learned in my short life, one of the important ones is to embrace the things in which you can change and accept the things you cannot ( I am sure that is a quote and I am also sure that I butchered it rather well, but you know what I mean. I hope).

I will be returning to Oklahoma State University for my second year. I will be working as an RA on the Spanish floor, and will be continuing my studies in Spanish and something else. I really do not know what I am going to study and I figure that I have a bit to figure that out, however I have been thinking about Literature/English or Political Science/International Relations. In all honesty I just want to learn how to speak and write in two languages. I am going to be applying for a study abroad scholarship for my junior year in which I hope to study in Spain and possibly New Zealand for two semesters. Yet even the excitement of the future does not take away the pain in the present. I do not care to leave these guys; there is a part of me that I feel that few people know. A love for some poor shoe shiner that I don’t really understand, I have spent eight months of my life trying to help them, maybe I have and maybe not, I don’t know if I will ever know if my efforts will prove worthy. I understand that I cannot expect people to have a love and care for Bolivia and its people as I do. However, it is just hard when people ask about your trip or the guys that I worked with and then proceed to carelessly listen. I believe that we would all do well if we did not ask questions that we do not truly care to hear the answers too. I don’t know about this, it truly hurt to love; it hurts to leave those you care about not knowing if you will see them again.

I would like to take a moment to say a sincere thank you to all my friends and family that have been keeping up with me over the past few months. Thank you for your prayers, thank you for you encouragement and thank you for your friendship. I do appreciate all of those who were willing to over look my often times poor grammar and spelling, only to share in my experiences here. Know that I did try to communicate in part what is going on in my life, so once more thank you for reading and sharing with me my time here.
With a smile,
Colby Craige