Packing is not fun

I have not posted in a long time and I think it is about to start the blogging train up. In six days I will be in Spain. My room is a good representation of how I feel, so I will leave it at that.

Not only am I getting ready for my trip, but my parents are moving to another house, so I get to pack up my room, O-boy.

Note: my posts will get more interesting, but I was playing around with the picture settings and decided to post.

on humility

An old Franciscan understood the theocentric character of genuine humility and offered this counsel:

“If you feel the call of the spirit, then be holy with all your soul, with all your heart, and with all your strength. If however, because of human weakness, you cannot be holy, then be perfect with all your soul, with all your heart, and with all your strength.
But if you cannot be perfect because of the vanity of your life, then be good with all your soul…Yet, If you cannot be good because of the trickery of the evil One, then be wise with all your soul…
If, in the end, you can neither be holy, nor perfect, nor good, nor wise because of the weight of your sins, then carry this weight before God and surrender your life to his divine mercy.
If you do this, without bitterness, with all humility, and with a joyous spirit due to the tenderness of a God who loves the sinful and ungrateful, then you will begin to feel what it is to be wise, you will learn what it is to be good, you will slowly aspire to be perfect, and finally you will long to be holy”


An exert from “Ruthless Trust” by Brennan Manning

syncretism

Main Entry: syn·cre·tism Pronunciation: 'si[ng]-kr&-"ti-z&m, 'sin-Function: nounEtymology: New Latin syncretismus, from Greek synkrEtismos federation of Cretan cities, from syn- + KrEt-, KrEs Cretan1 : the combination of different forms of belief or practice2 : the fusion of two or more orig. different inflectional forms


You tell me to trust, yet instruct me to invest
You say to live by the spirit, but to always plan ahead

How does this work? Recently I have been thinking about what ‘Trust’ means and more importantly what it looks like to trust in the one who we clam to believe in. I come from an upper middle class family and we have always had more that what we need. There has never been a day that I have not had food in my stomach or a roof over my head and I am indeed thankful for that.
I am getting older and the reality of this is starting to set in. The mentality of “I am going to live forever and I am going to do something incredible with my life” is starting to come to perdition. What am I going to be about? What does the God desire of me in my short time in this life? The answers to these questions I do not know, but there is something within me that is troubled.
I have often found myself examining my faith, ideals and practices with a great amount of skepticisms. It is this reason I have introduced the word syncretism. In my time in Bolivia I had a unique opportunity to see the mixing of belief very clearly. Bolivia would say they are about 60% Roman Catholic, but there is a unique twist. Because of a lack of clergy over the past 100 or more years there has been a mixing with the Incan beliefs and tradition and with the Catholic beliefs. This, by definition would be syncretism because they are mixing two different believes and making them into one big jumbled mess (in my opinion).
It was clear for me to see this while I was in Bolivia, but as of late I have wondered about the syncretism with me. There are times when I wonder if it is more difficult to see because the thing that we are mixing is something that we love. (Which make since because if we did not value you it we would not care to mix with it) What if what Christians in this country are mixing the teaching of Christ with other ideas that are not his, or maybe even directly contrary, but we accept them because we don’t know any better. What if we are not called to a comfortable life? What if following Jesus indeed meant that we would love the “least of these”? In America we do all that is within our powers to keep ourselves safe. We buy insurance, we live in the “nice” part of town, we make sure that tithing is not going to interrupt our purchase of new clothing. I don’t know. I don’t understand how this works.

Do you?

no subject

“For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies to the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is their shame. Their mind is on earthly things”
Philippians 3:18-19

“When Jesus Christ revels himself through the gospel, which is active and creative, he calls for a spontaneous response. His message is not a reassurance to keep right on doing what we’ve been doing, but writes Edward O’Connor, ‘a summons to the labor of eliminating from our lives, faithfully and perseveringly, everything in us that is opposed to the work and will of his Holy Spirit for us.”
Brennan Manning

I bought another Brennan Manning book a few weeks ago and started reading it this past week. He keeps me from becoming so cerebral in my pursuit for truth. There are indeed some things such as predestination/free will, creation/evolution, literal/ liberal interpretation of the scriptures and other doctrinal issues that are difficult for me to understand (I can thank Paul for that). But, basic message of Jesus is rather simple, “come to me and die, so that I can give you life. Trust me, serve me, honor me and embrace my love. Love the unloved, feed the hungry and give sight to the blind. Build my kingdom and don’t forget that it is I who is working through you.”

The Root of Hesitation

As my little black Bible sits on my desk I cannot help but think of the complexities that lie within it. When I was a child, I was taught the Bible stories, growing older I listen to the sermons, lectures and devotionals. The words and stories of the bible have surrounded me for all my life and for this I am thankful (I think). However, this book has also caused me a great deal of pain! Its words have been the tool of division within my family, the teachings the center of heated debate and for this reason I fear the words of this book.

I hold a certain amount of reservation when reading the scriptures. How are we to read the words of Paul, Peter, Moses, David and many others? As I read more about history, some things begin to click. Yet, the study of history only opens my eyes to the reality that I don’t know crap! Just when you think that a particular road is coming to a close, I discover a bunch of other things that I don’t know. It is all very overwhelming but at the same time I love it.

There is fear within me, a good fear, one that pushes me to continually seek understanding. This desire stems from seeing and hearing the message of Jesus distorted in so many ways, that I hardly know what to think. More importantly, I have seen the hurt that good intentioned laymen have inflected upon those outside their theological/doctoral or moral views. I do not want to be the cause of another person turning from Jesus because of the Church.

Is there a better way? Or is this what happens when you decided to believe something that clams to be the truth?
Note: The “something” is NOT the bible, rather Jesus Christ

Aristotle... I think he was on to something!

“Aristotle held that there are three forms of happiness. The first form of happiness is a life of pleasure and enjoyment. The second form of happiness is a life as a free and responsible citizen. The third form of happiness is a life as thinking and philosopher. Aristotle then emphasized that all three criteria must be present at the same time for man to find happiness and fulfillment. He rejected all forms of imbalance. Had he lived today he might have said that a person who only develops his body lives a life that is just as unbalanced as someone who only uses his head. Both extremes are an expression of a warped way of life.” Sophie’s World

Guilty as charged. As I reflect on the past few months of this semester here at school, the truth in Aristotle’s statement is profound. I often find myself on one side of the extremist spectrum or the other. Sometimes, my focus is personal pleasure, other times it is fraudulent intellectualism; other times I thrive on emotional stimulation while other times I attempt a rational understanding of life. Not to mention that in the midst of all theses things I often neglect social responsibilities. Awwww life, it’s a trip!

I know that nobody reads this blog at the moment, but there is some great conversation going on over at liquidthinking.org so you should check it out.

What if Jesus did not rise from the dead?

Over the past week or so I have been thinking about this question. I have been living a bit too much in my head. I desire to understand my faith from a none emotional perspective, but rather from a rational point of view.
How does the divinity of Jesus affect who I am, what I believe and the way in which I should live?

If Jesus was not divine and therefore did not rise from the dead, then he is at best a good teacher and another example of how we ought to live. We might put him in a list with Gandhi and other people who have lived extraordinary lives.

In the first century there are records of other rabies who clamed messiahship and who most likely had a number of disciples. But, ultimately they died and their followers dispersed. (I must confess that my knowledge of this is limited to a few books primarily “A Brief Introduction of the New Testament”) Why did anyone take the time to record the life and teachings of Jesus? I find it interesting to look at the volume of literature that is recorded about this Teacher from Nazareth. If Jesus’ disciples did not see Jesus after he was executed and yet they still devoted the remainder of their lives to his cause, I would say they were loony. Those men were either seriously brainwashed or believed in something that was real and ultimately worth dying for.

Are these the only men/women to die for something they believed in? No. Will they be the last? Doubtful. But, I think there is a difference between Jesus’ disciples and other martyrs. The disciples were starting something new; they were not scared into following Jesus or pressured by a religious group or the government. The followers of Jesus believed in something radical and I believe that thing was the risen Christ Jesus.

the road ahead

I have a few things in store!

• Spending some time with my brother in Spain this summer
• Studying in Zaragoza, Spain for the 06/07 school year
• Studying Spanish
• Taking on new adventures in my life.

The coming year is going to be an interesting one. I feel a bit scared, but mostly excited. At the moment I am trying to make the most out of my time here at Oklahoma State.

I could try and recount where I have been, but I would rather just write about where I am now.

Faith.

For the past year I have been in an interesting stage with my personal faith. There have been times where I feel confident, other times weak and full of doubt. One of my friends once told me that "if I can't question God and find him to be true, then I don't want to follow him at all". After hearing this, I felt pleased. My questions should not be feared, but rather embraced, and that is what I decided to do.

I am still in the midst of searching and I often feel like I am in the midst of a maze. Much of my searching has become an intellectual pursuit to understand Jesus and his role in my life in the world. One of the most frustrating this is the lack of feeling within my life. In some ways, I feel like my heart is dying and that is not a good thing.

Is this progress?

The Return

Three days and I will be headed back to the states. Emotions? I must say, that I feel happy, sad, excited, apprehensive and some other emotion that I can’t explain. To leave friends, a simple life, and a true feeling of purpose, is not easy. The questions come, “When will you come back?” they ask me and I respond with a sorrowful “I don’t know”. The looks, hugs and tears that results from an undetermined time.

I am going home, yet what is home? Is it a house, or a place? I am not so sure. I know that I will be going home to difficult situations, learning to deal with problems that I have been ignoring for the past few months. However, I am not scared. Of the few things that I have learned in my short life, one of the important ones is to embrace the things in which you can change and accept the things you cannot ( I am sure that is a quote and I am also sure that I butchered it rather well, but you know what I mean. I hope).

I will be returning to Oklahoma State University for my second year. I will be working as an RA on the Spanish floor, and will be continuing my studies in Spanish and something else. I really do not know what I am going to study and I figure that I have a bit to figure that out, however I have been thinking about Literature/English or Political Science/International Relations. In all honesty I just want to learn how to speak and write in two languages. I am going to be applying for a study abroad scholarship for my junior year in which I hope to study in Spain and possibly New Zealand for two semesters. Yet even the excitement of the future does not take away the pain in the present. I do not care to leave these guys; there is a part of me that I feel that few people know. A love for some poor shoe shiner that I don’t really understand, I have spent eight months of my life trying to help them, maybe I have and maybe not, I don’t know if I will ever know if my efforts will prove worthy. I understand that I cannot expect people to have a love and care for Bolivia and its people as I do. However, it is just hard when people ask about your trip or the guys that I worked with and then proceed to carelessly listen. I believe that we would all do well if we did not ask questions that we do not truly care to hear the answers too. I don’t know about this, it truly hurt to love; it hurts to leave those you care about not knowing if you will see them again.

I would like to take a moment to say a sincere thank you to all my friends and family that have been keeping up with me over the past few months. Thank you for your prayers, thank you for you encouragement and thank you for your friendship. I do appreciate all of those who were willing to over look my often times poor grammar and spelling, only to share in my experiences here. Know that I did try to communicate in part what is going on in my life, so once more thank you for reading and sharing with me my time here.
With a smile,
Colby Craige

So what about a monastery?

I visited Lake Titicaca this weekend with a few of my friends, It was my first time to go and it was a very enjoyable time. One of the things that I enjoyed the most while I was there was the stars. I must say, the milky way is something to see if ever you find yourself in the southern hemisphere. We climbed a ways out of town and made our way on top of a mountain to escape the light pollution of the city and the starts were absolutely incredible. I could see the starts with more clarity than I ever before. While staring into the sky, I started to think about how nice clarity would be in my life. I then began to think about why it was that I could see the stars so clearly. I am far away from distractions, far from the city and far from light that hinders our vision.
I have read of how some people have found a seemingly real communion with God through silence and solitude. These are two things that are difficult for me or any American for that matter. While I was looking at the start I was just thinking about how sad it would be for a person to never have the opportunity to see the starts so clearly. In that same way, I think that maybe I am like a person who lives in the city; I have this idea and have heard stories of how things can be better, yet, I am not willing to leave the city.

I think I would like to spend time in a monastery or just time in nature, alone. Because what do I have to lose, I mean what if things really can be better. How sad would it be if I just never took the time to leave the busyness of life, to possibly hear or experience more of God?

El Choro

Three days in the midst of creation can do a person’s soul well. Last week I had the opportunity to go on a backpacking trip with a few of the YFC volunteers and nine of the shoe shiners that we have been working with. "El Choro" is the name of the trail and it's known as one of the best in Bolivia, almost 90% of it being Incan built roads. The sheer beauty of Bolivia is scene through the waterfalls, crystal clear rivers, mountains, llamas, little towns and the people. It was a nice three day hike, by no means was it easy, in fact I will say that it was rather difficult. I know of few other ways that friendships grow better than through eating, hiking and hurting together.

Things in my life continue to change. My family is changing, my friends are getting older, and some are even married, my life and the way in which I see it seems to always be changing at some level. As I encounter things in my life that I cannot seem to change, I seem be less willing to accept them and only find myself trying harder as if I can really change something. I know that I am not that old, but as I continue studying in the university and just continue to live life. It seems that the idea of surrender is just all that more uncomfortable. As I make plains and think of the future, the idea or even the thought of giving those things up for God is rather bothersome, the words of Christ become much more difficult “if you want to gain life, you must lose it.” Yet, does he not know what is best, I think the answer is clear, yet it’s still hard to let go.

As another day looks to be passing me by here in Bolivia, I am glad to know that I am loved.

A long night

The past few days have proven to be rather interesting. There have been marches and road blocks for the past 22 days or so. Over 80% of the major roads in Bolivia have been shut down; intercity transportation is next to nothing because there is no gasoline. The current president Carlos Mesa (who I meet at a movie) resigned a few days ago and now the parliament is tying to decide who will take over his position. The decision could push Bolivia into a civil war. With all this going on I would like everyone to know that I don’t feel threatened. I honestly don’t have any idea of what is going to happen over the next few days. If things continue to get worse I am thinking of going to Argentina or back to Chile for a few weeks until things settle down, but I guess I will just have to wait and see.

On a different note.

Last nigh I came down with a fever. One of those body aching, hot one second cold the next type things. I was over at one of my friend’s houses when I started to feel really bad, so I decided to lay down for a bit. As my temperature increased, the mother (I call her Hermana Charo) decided to pull out some Bolivian remedies to combat the fever. To start with she rubbed a Vicks type cream on my back, chest and feet and then put newspaper over the top of the cream to hold in the vapors (or so I was told). Then they covered my face with whipped eggs. I was told that it helps to draw out the temperature. I think they were just trying to take advantage of the sick gringo. I don’t know if those things were a contributing factor, but I must say I feel a lot better. I guess it’s just another day here in Bolivia. Thanks for reading

I am still in school

“A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plains, safeguards, policies, and coercions are fruitless. We find after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us.”
Travels with Charley
I have been here a week and as the time passes I see all the more, that this trip is going to be very different from my last. I actually have a place that I can go to get away from people. This is such a nice relief, being that La Paz is a city of a million people and it seems that in every park, plaza, restaurant and even in the place that I call home (for the moment) seems to be full of people. I am beginning to see that I must approach not just my time here but life as some kind of a teaching tool. Here in Bolivia I am learning that I don’t understand people. I might to some degree understand Americans, but Bolivians? I don’t understand why so many people a marching. I don’t understand people in the church here nor do I understand all too much of this language. For this reason, I see the importance of becoming a student.
So let us learn.

another day

I have been here in La Paz for about a week now and things have been anything but dull. The situation here in La Paz has been one of civil unrest. Some of the farmers and teachers people have been marching throughout the streets and setting up blockades so that cars and mini busses cannot pass. My friend Randy who is a full time missionary here has been working with some of the shoe shiner fellas that I worked with last year and we have been teaching them basketball. The concept of teaching basketball to some guys who have never seen the game before let alone played it has proven to be a lot of fun. Although the city is seemingly falling apart in the down town area, everyone else just seems to think things are normal. In one street you will find over 500 men and women marching and protesting about the nationalization of the gas and other things, while others are playing soccer and going about life as normal. My time is going to be interesting. Randy and I are planning a backpacking trip for some of the guys. It is going to be a sort of reward to those who come to practice. In many ways this trip is going to be very different. I have other American friends, which is proving to be more beneficial that I thought. There are times when the idea of coming back in only another month and a half since so gray. Going back to school and getting back into the routine of things just does not sound good to me. Don’t worry I am planning on coming back (at least for now). I hope things with you (who ever reads this?) are well and I will write more latter.

Peace

Bolivia

Well I got in last night. I am not going to be doing much today, because I need to get acclimatedwith the altitude. While traveling yesterday I had some time to talk with a few people, one lady I had diner with was from Bolivia and we talked about the problems within the Bolivia government. Its a sad thing and one can´t help but feel helpless. There are really no simple answers to these problems.

On a different note, I started reading some good books including one hat is a Historical overview of the New Testament and Travels with Charley. I don´t have too much to say at this point, but I will be talking to you latter.

"The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page."
Mark Twain

Another chapter opens, or maybe only another turn of a page. I am glad that some can share this time with me.

So I was walking to get some ice cream when I ran into Richard, well it was Richard until he trusted me with his real name, that being Dick. He was a rough 60 year old man from Henesey, Oklahoma. He was wearing a dirty black leather coat. He asked me for some change and so I told him that we could go and get some food, if he had time. While we were walking to McDonald’s, I made a few attempts to talk to him. I prodded about his childhoods, some about his past and so on. He really did not want to talk.
As we stood in front of the register, he pointed down to the menu and told me that he would like a Big Mac. I asked if he wanted some fries or a drink, he said no. He looked up at me and asked if I was going to order anything. I told him “no”. His response was rather interesting as he looked at me, then down once more, as if I had declined a dinner invitation. Then I turned around and order and double cheeseburger. We sat down at the booth and enjoyed our food. I once more tried to start some kind of conversation and he was reluctant to remain silent or answering rather quickly to anything that I said. I made an effort to get him a job at McDonald’s, I even had the manager there talking with us about what was needed in order for him to get a job. My efforts proved useless as he had virtually nothing to put down for education, past jobs, home address, or even a phone number. I looked at him after a short while and asked if he even wanted to continue trying, he looked at me and said “no, let’s go.” So we did, we headed over to the gas station next door and I bout him some cigarettes. We sat outside on the curb and each rolled a cigarette, after a while I looked up at him and said “isn’t life strange?” he looked at me and smiled and said, “Yes, yes it is.” As we sat there I opened up my journal and ripped out a page that quoted a few lines from Brennan Manning and then I wrote down my phone number. After a while we headed back to our original location, we sat down on the bench and exchanged a few words. I then told him that I needed to go, but asked if we could pray first. I thanked God for him and then asked for strength on his behalf. After I prayed he looked at me with some of the most honest eyes I had ever seen and said “thank you” as I said your welcome, I could not help but feel rather strange for accepting a thank you after a prayer.
There are times when words just don’t cut it. No gospel pitched, no pointing fingers, just passing time with people. I am beginning to thing that this is what people need more and more.

good quotes from current books you have read.

“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning”
Tuesdays With Morrie

It’s Tuesday, and I am sitting at my home in Tulsa. My dog is sitting to my left and the outside birds are singing. School is over and the normative feeling of busyness is begging to where off. Over the past few days I have spoken with friends and enjoyed the company of my family. I read Tuesdays With Morrie the other day, and my feeble words should not even try to reduce such a book to a few words.
I am leaving for South America in about two weeks (I can hardly believe that I just wrote that last line). People have asked me if I am ready to go back. Honestly, I don’t know. I feel little emotion at the moment. I often wonder if I have made things to difficult or to complex. What does it mean to love God with my mind? What does it mean to love God with my heart? These things seem so simple. There is little that my heart desires more than to help people who are in need, to live a life freedom and adventure and to share life with those I love.